and baby makes three {almost}

This is a post that I almost didn’t write. In fact I’ve ummed and ahhed about it for weeks, before finally deciding to share.

Last year when Mat and I were in the chaos of wedding planning we made a decision. A huge life changing decision. We wanted to start a family, immediately!

I’d always known that I wanted kids, I just thought It’d be in my early 30’s after I’d had a career, I never expected that I’d fall in love so young and get married at 25. Mat never wanted kids. He said they were a drain on the finances. So we were both surprised when our baby fever hit. We went from discussing backpacking around Australia, to talking about settling down and creating a new life together. We wanted to become a family of three and it was all we could think about.

Whilst neither of us were where we wanted to be career wise, we were in a stable and loving relationship, with enough money to see us through. We each felt ready, financially and emotionally so we decided the time was right to stop taking precautions and let nature do it’s thing.

Once you make that monumental decision, you kinda hope {or in my case expect} for it to happen straight away. It’s seriously hard to have to wait. and wait. and wait…

I was surprised to find that my menstrual cycle didn’t return after finishing my last contraceptive patch. It took over six months and intervention from my doctor to induce a period and even now, over a year later my cycles are erratic. I couldn’t understand why body was reacting this way, as prior to the patch my cycle was like clockwork. I found it increasingly frustrating as the months wore on and I started to get more obsessed with the ‘ins and outs’ of baby making which I suspect hasn’t helped matters.

I went for test after test and finally got my answer last week, I have PCOS and raised prolactin levels.

Everything suddenly made sense as over the past year I’ve struggled with other symptoms, such as weight gain and acne on my chin and jawline. Small things, but they had made me very self-conscious and down about my appearance. I felt relieved to have a diagnosis and feel more positive that now we know what the issue is we can take a step forward.

Right now we are playing another waiting game, to be referred to a specialist. I’m still in the early stages of diagnosis and aren’t quite sure what this means for me and my fertility so I will feel much better when I’ve talked things through with a professional. In the mean time I’m going to keep having fun trying with my husband and ward off those well intentioned but oh-so-annoying ‘when are you two going to have a baby’ questions with a polite smile.

I really feel for those who have been trying longer than us, a year {which I know is nothing} already feels like a lifetime. Whenever I feel down about our situation, Mat reminds me that we found each other young, we’ve got time on our side and it will happen for us, and when it does it’s going to be amazing.

Thanks for letting me share, xo hannah

p.s I was hunting for a picture to use with this post and thought I’d use one from our wedding ceremony. Every time I look at it I think of our commitment to each other and our future together.



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